What really screws you up
This is a subject common to all therapists we have to deal with it every day and find ways to deal with it and reduce or remove it’s effects from a clients life. Yet to the client it is often not apparent and occasionally needs to be approached with some care, depending on the emotional maturity of the client.
Contrary to popular opinion many people do get massive benefits from the problem they say they want to get rid of, sometimes this is a conscious decision, such as when someone decides to play up an illness to get extra sympathy or when we use stress as an excuse for our behaviour or to get time off work.
This was brought home to me many years ago when I was asked to help a lady with pain, I did a home visit as she was unable to get to me, after showing her how to reduce some of her symptoms and reduced her discomfort, she seamed uneasy and I asked her “what the problem was”?
She then went on to explain to me that if she improved then she would be expected to do more things round the house, at the time her husband was doing all the work and shopping while she stayed in bed.
She was aware of the benefits and choose to keep the other discomfort in order to have an easer life. Many people do this and it is ok. It is what we have to do in order to live and presents no problem unless you are visiting a therapists to help you remove the problem, in which case you can expect to be asked what will you have to give up in order to remove this problem?
The other kind of secondary gain is a little more interesting and comes from the clients subconscious control mind and usually involves an unconscious secondary gain that the client has no awareness of.
Every behaviour has a positive outcome, someone who believes smoking relaxes them, or decided at an earlier time that it makes them look sexy or older. It started for a positive reason decided upon by their subconscious control mind.
The problem is that in most adults the sub con has an age of about a four year old. It is where we get the myth of the inner child from and we all know what children are like with their lack of worldly wisdom, understanding and emotional control.
So often if this inner child unconscious mind makes a decision to help us, it is often highly inappropriate to an adults life and often causes many problems. Emotional freedom therapy is an excellent way for you to solve these glitches in a fast and easy way.
It allows your inner kid to grow up a little and for you to gain a deeper personal awareness, allowing you to become aware of the secondary gain and do something very powerful to remove it.