EFT Leamington Spa Warwickshire.
01926 332935

What is self-confidence and esteem?
The relationship you have with yourself.

You may think that you know what it is but do you?
As a therapist in Leamington Spa since 1991. I often see clients who come to me with problems with, and they need help.

They lack confidence when in certain situations and times when they feel unsure about the situation they are in. Small parts of their lives that have significant effects on the lifestyle they live.

I would like you to consider something “there is no such feeling as confidence or self-esteem”. Just think it for a moment.

What if it does not exist and you have spent years chasing a fantasy?

All those books, CDs and courses that you have spent your money on. What if its just hype to get your money?

I would like you to play along with me for a moment or two.
Remember some things that you do with total confidence and with little effort. Like putting on your socks, making a cup of coffee. Brushing your teeth.

What drills did you have to do to feel confident? What state change did you create? None. You completed very complex tasks with no thought and little effort. Where were the positive feelings? Chances have you actually felt nothing. You just did it.

Sort of blows out of the water what we have been told for the past twenty years doesn't it?
Consider that your state of just doing it is an absence of any negative internal dialogue.

In your head, there are no other voices that are saying anything different to what you want the outcome to be. No little tailenders or mind farts.

Your internal dialogue is what turns off your ability to complete anything as well as you can. In the therapy of whatever kind hypnosis NLP or EFT all we really do is turn off or remove the negative people inside your head talking to you. Well in the beginning. The stuff you tell yourself that you listen to.

Emotional freedom techniques are a great way of doing this, as it puts you back in control with practice. Most people listen and believe what they say or listen to inside their own minds and most of it is rubbish. In provocative therapy and neuro-linguistic programming, we call people on BS.

Having true confidence is all about what you say to you, about you. It is the relationship you have with yourselves.

Of course just turning off negative voices and feelings is only part of the deal, having negative voices and reminders can be a very positive thing.

You also have to become good at the task you will be doing. No good is having confidence if you are really no good at it. Then you just develop the skills you need so that your subconscious mind agrees with you.


I have just looked up confidence in a thesaurus, trust and intimacy came up, and they are right. Learning to trust your own mind after you have trained it to work in the way you want will lead to a level of trust and intimacy that up until now you have never experienced. You become your own best friend.

So if you are reading this because you lack self-confidence or self-esteem, does anything in what I have written make sense? Watch your thoughts and begin to notice that how you think does affect what you feel and what you do.

Most people who we think display very high levels of confidence and esteem just make a decision consciously or subconsciously just to do, and all the voices and feelings in their bodies go OK.

Many martial arts masters and sports professionals when they move with blinding speed, power and total commitment. Have no voices in their minds they don't feel confident they just move.

Lack of confidence is not always a bad thing. Sometimes it can save your life and keep you out of trouble especially if you have not thought through your actions and honestly looked at what you are about to do.

Once you begin to play with confidence, you quickly discover that in many areas of your life you are highly skilled and very sure of your self. Begin to look at areas that you feel you need more confidence and notice if any internal voices cause you glitches.